Be Healthy in Love

August 13, 2013

flying

On my nearly wedding anniversary (2 years) I have been thinking about what is good is my marriage and what needs work, I think we are doing pretty well right now, throughout my pregnancy my husband has been a rock and I am so grateful it would have been so much harder without his support.

Some thoughts…

You should be happy, simple as that. If you are down more than you are up, then something isn’t right. With you or with the relationship. Work it out and then sort it out.

You should be able to live without your other half, of course it would suck, just imagining it scares the hell out of me, but remember that you would be okay but living with them you should be the best version of yourself. It makes sense that if someone brings out the worst in you they probably are not good for you, or you are not good for them. I want to be best version of myself for my husband, he has made me stronger and more confident over the past few years and I know he tried to be at his best for me. We work hard for each other and ourselves.

Let change happen. I think it can be really hard when your other half wants to change, it can be scary, I have worried in the past that I’d be left behind, that he would change so much he would have some huge realisation that I wasn’t what he wanted. I have never tried to stop him changing though, and he has never tried to stop me… it goes back to the above and being your best self. You are going to change, as are they. You have to support the changes and go with it, they will come back, they will stay and then you will grow together.

Sometimes I see someone make a big grand gesture and get a little jealous… for about 5 seconds then I remember all the things that my husband does for me day in day out (and the bigger gestures he has made).
One of the biggest things to remember in your relationship – always – is to not compare yours to others, and that grand gestures are not that big a deal, nice now and again but it’s the everyday stuff that really matters.

I hate fighting, arguments, confrontation of any kind… it has taken me all the time I have been with my husband to get to the point that I am now – where I say what I need to say, I am still terrible at it and find it so stressful but I know a good argument gets issues resolved. A good argument? You talk something through. A bad argument, in my eyes, is when someone is mean, never ever be mean. Never say something that you might regret, don’t bring up past issues and don’t scream and shout. Always try to end it by making up, even if you are agreeing to disagree… move on gracefully.

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