August 29, 2012
Another Wedding Wednesday, not a wedding today but some advice that I think is spot on.
From Lydia Netzer, married 15 years.
1. Go to bed mad.
Her reasoning being that everything will seem better in the morning. So true. Sometimes an argument is just stupid.
2. Laugh if you can.
Stopping a fight becoming a fight is a skill, one I am working on.
3. Don’t criticize. Ever.
“Here is a fact: Whatever critical thing that you are about to say to your wife is already being loudly articulated in her head. And if it’s true, she already feels like crap about it.”
I totally agree with this, and try never to criticize.
4. Be the mirror.
I am leaving most of the quote in here… such good advice.
“Your husband is the mirror in which you see yourself. And the things you say to him give him an image of himself too, which he will believe.
You want him to believe it, so make it good.
Be a mirror that reflects something positive: you’re smart, you’re successful, you’re fantastic in the sack, you’re a great provider, you’re the best.
Don’t think he won’t believe you because you’re married and you’re contractually obligated to say nice things. He’ll believe the shitty, insulting things you say and the gloriously positive things.”
5. Be proud and brag.
“Let your spouse hear you talking about them in glowing terms to other people. Be foolish. Be obvious. It will mean everything. You will stay married forever.”
People always tell me I am too soppy. I adore my Husband and I don’t care who knows it.
6. Do your own thing.
7. Have kids.
“Kids stop you from being as crazy as you want to be. Because when you have kids, you can’t be that crazy.”
8. Get really good at sex.
Speak up basically. Don’t settle. It’s important.
I love this…
“Live in different houses. In different parts of the country. Travel. Make it so that you can look back and divide up your life into the years you spent in different cities, or different houses. If you’re feeling stuck geographically or physically, you can confuse yourself into thinking you’re stuck romantically. See your husband in different places, in different contexts, in different countries even. Try it. Take him to a mountaintop and give him another look. Pretty sexy. Take him to a new city and check out his profile.
Along the same lines, don’t be afraid to change personally, or let your wife change as a person. Don’t worry about “growing apart.” Be brave and evolve. Become completely different. Don’t gather moss. Stagnation is unattractive.”
10. Stop thinking temporarily.
“Marriage is not conditional. It is permanent. Your husband will be with you until you die. That is a given.”
This is the best thing about marriage. The feeling of security. I don’t think of it as temporary but I do know that if I don’t always give it my all it might not be and that scares me more than anything.
11. Do not put yourself in trouble’s way.
“Any friendship that troubles the marriage should be over immediately. Protect it with knives and teeth, not because it’s fragile but because it’s precious.”
12. Make a husband pact with your friends.
This is good… I always worry if I have had a moan they think it means something. It doesn’t ever.
“The husband pact says this: I promise to listen to you complain about your husband even in the most dire terms, without it affecting my good opinion of him. I will agree with your harshest criticism, accept your gloomiest predictions. I will nod and furrow my brow and sigh when you describe him as a hideous ogre. Then when your fight is over and love shines again like a beautiful sunbeam in your life, I promise to forget everything you said and regard him as the most charming of princes once more.”
13. Bitch to his mother, not yours.
“This is one I did read somewhere in a magazine, and it’s true. His mother will forgive him. Yours never will. If you’re a man, bitch to your friends. They expect it.”
I don’t think I would bitch to either but it’s a very good point.
14. Be loyal.
“You and your spouse are a team of two. It is you against the world. No one else is allowed on the team, and no one else will ever understand the team’s rules.”
“Ups and downs ultimately don’t matter, because the team endures.”
15. Trust the person you married.
“Love them completely and let them love you. If it all goes to seed, it’s going to hurt either way. Better to have gone into it full throttle. Full throttle marriage is a thrilling ride.”
See the full article at the Huffinton Post